turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
