You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
