I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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