please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
