Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
