I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
