I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize