so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
