know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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