Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
