We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
