At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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