Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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