You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's the barista slut.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
