1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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