Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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