I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
