Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
