Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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