If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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