Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize