We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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