just tell him i said nine months
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
