remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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