he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
