butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
