i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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