they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
