he wants to bone in the snuggie
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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