so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
