we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
