I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
