it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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