How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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