If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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