after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
