thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
