her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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