She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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