Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
