did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
