it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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