Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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