Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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