I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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