Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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