True but thats because hes a fetus.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
