If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
