i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
