what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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