NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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