Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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