i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
