Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
