Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize