So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
