Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
