When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
