apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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