he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
