its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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