Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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