Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize