if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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