I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
