So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
