ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
