i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
