she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize