You just made me feel so damn special
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
