would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
