Do you still have your period?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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