Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize