Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
