walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
