Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
COCAINE IS GR8
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
