U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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