Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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