Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
