dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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