I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize