Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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